Anguilla: A to Z Adventures of the Louche and Lazy, Pt. 1

Is there any better vacation than the one you take when you're in between jobs? The folks from the old job have stopped bothering you, the folks from the new job haven't started bothering you, you're looking forward to that raise, and you don't yet have to worry about blowing your entire retirement savings on flip-flops to match your beach coverups. You're free as a bird!

(Well, not totally free, because once that new job starts, it's a lot like a marriage: You're together nearly 24/7, you sometimes fight about money, only one person ever seems to know where that file -- or, you know, the scissors or the Advil -- is, and "I have a headache" is your daily default, not just an occasional white lie.)

Still, I had three glorious in-limbo weeks of loafing and lethargy ahead of me, and decided to do it in high style, which entailed splitting our time between two fabulous villas . . .

. . . and having the cheeseburgers brought to me.

Indeed, I packed enough sand, sea, and binge-eating into those three weeks that, in the time it would take to read a day-by-day recap, you could just fly to Anguilla yourself (which obviously isn't the worst idea). And so, in lieu of a full day of travel, a handy A to Z guide to the adventures of the idle not-so rich.

A is for AURORA
Let's face it: Nobody likes change. And so when I learned that CuisinArt Resort would become the new Aurora, I balked. Would they jettison the very un-Caribbean jewel tones in the lobby? (Hopefully yes.) Would they retain the resort's justly-famous frozen mojitos? (Also hopefully yes.) When we visited, would they completely "forget" that we'd spoken the day before and require an hour of wrangling just to use two loungers on the otherwise empty beach after we dropped over $200 at lunch? (Sadly, also yes.)

Still, if you are idle and rich, it's hard to beat Aurora for chi-chi decor, cushy loungers, craft cocktails, and celestial prices.

Aurora still maintains CuisinArt's hydroponic garden, so salads are the way to go at lunch.

And they taste even better when it doesn't take three tries to get your order right. That's where the cocktails come in.

But maybe avoid the guac and . . . potato chips?

Post-lunch, we enjoyed some frozen mojitos and our hard-won loungers.

And look, ma: No more jewel tones!

B is for BLANCHARD'S BEACH SHACK

Blanchard's has a lot going for it, chief among them being griddled hot dogs, a gorgeous stretch of beach, griddled hot dogs, excellent fresh-brewed iced tea (which has just about as much alcohol as their drinks), and griddled hot dogs.

In fact, if it weren't for BBS's refreshing iced tea, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't have another, um, hydration incident.

B also stands for Ben's, home of my favorite pizza on the island.

B also stands for "Best keep your hands off my pie, and my potatoes, and my profiteroles."

C is for CHEESEBURGERS
I know, I know, you're tired of all my ravings about FBI's cheeseburgers. But this is a rave about SandBar's cheeseburgers, which are juicy and salty and perfectly slider-sized so you can just pop 'em in your mouth like Tic-Tacs.

Indeed, SandBar's sliders are so good, they give FBI's burger a run for its money. (Much like you can call your sibling an idiot, but will promptly deck anyone else who does so, only I am allowed to favorably compare anyone else's burger to Ferryboat's.)

D is for DOLCE VITA
One of our favorite restaurants on the island, "Dolce Vita" is Italian for "Mangia! Until it hurts."

That face you make...

When your plates look like this, but Abbi will still ask why you didn't like your meal due that one bite of pasta standing between "pleasantly full" and "bring me a stretcher." Thank god he made us that digestif.

E is for E's OVEN
E's is our favorite "date night" place because we both always order the same thing -- the moist but crunchy coconut-crusted grouper with curried beans in a decadent banana-rum sauce -- so there's no reason to fight (over that, anyway).

Of course, it's easy to roll into E's in a good mood if you've had a few martinis across the street at Anguilla Salts and Sands beforehand.

Just how good are these salts? We needed some yard work done last summer . . . and the gardener asked to be paid in AS&S salts in lieu of cash.

F is for FBI
Longtime readers of this blog know that the only thing I love more than digging into an FBI cheeseburger is digging into an FBI cheeseburger while poking fun at Christian.

That's obviously harder to do from afar, especially with him being so busy up at the North Pole.

Still, there aren't many places where I feel comfortable enough to slip behind the bar and spike my own drink.

Heck, some people even have a special shirt just for visits to FBI.

Of course, we stopped by a few times for lunch, too . . . to try to get off the naughty list.

G is for GREAT HOUSE
One of the oldest resorts on the island, Anguilla Great House was built in 1985, and if your brain works anything like mine, you automatically think that 1985 means 15 years ago.

Great House's piña coladas are as legendary as a flock of seagulls (how's that for an 80s-themed beach pun?), but their spectacular seafood crepes are the real unsung heroes: Huge chunks of seafood are enclosed in a paper-thin crepe and swimming in a lobster bisque-like sauce, only crepes > bisque because the crepes are served with a fork, the tines of which provide a decent defense if anyone catches a whiff and starts to make noises about trying "just a bite."

Hang on to that fork for the colada-curious, too.

H is for HIBERNIA
We don't ever need an excuse to go out to eat, but when we heard about the special dinner to benefit Hibernia's orphanage in Myanmar, we jumped at the chance to revisit an old favorite while also doing some good in the world. I mean, just look at that little face!

Not me, the children.

Everything we tried was exquisite, as befits this stunning spot.

And I didn't even take a dip in the decorative pool (this time).

I is for IRIE LIFE

What was that again about blowing through your retirement savings to buy flip-flops and coverups?

J is for JOHNNY CAKES
There are as many different johnny cakes on the island as there are goats that run away when I try to pet them, and everyone thinks their favorite johnny cake is the best one. But I am here to tell you that Roy's really is the best one, because it is pillowy and lightly salted and served with soft, creamy butter. Butter is always better.

Always.

K is for KALE
Kale -- that curly stuff they use to decorate salad bars -- has somehow managed to actually become salad. And the best way to make it palatable is the same way you'd make anything that tastes like a tree trunk palatable: Add fried goat cheese.

L is for LOCKRUM POINT VILLA

Anguilla is chock-full of gorgeous villas, none more so than Lockrum Point Villa.

Its strategic location -- close to FBI everything, while feeling like you're a million miles from anything -- is second only to the villa's chic designer decor, sumptuous four-poster beds, and sunny private pool.

Inside, the combined living and dining area, with its soaring West Indian-style ceiling, is just as dramatic as the views outside.

In the spacious bedrooms, textural details abound.

I loved this crisp white bedding so much, I tracked it down and bought it for my bedroom at home.

Before bedtime, Lockrum Point's wild, windswept setting just east of Blowing Point affords unparalleled views of St. Martin, the crash of waves to lull you to sleep at night, and complete privacy for midnight skinny dips.

Or impromptu photo shoots.

And don't even get me started on these showers.

Inside and out.

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We still have a little over half the alphabet to go! CLICK HERE for PART 2!